


Lost In My Mind

by tiniestmite



Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo [8]
Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: Anxiety, Bad Things Happen Bingo, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:20:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27832171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tiniestmite/pseuds/tiniestmite
Summary: Carlos has a bad day but at least he has a good boyfriend who is ready to be there for him.
Relationships: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand
Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1984406
Comments: 14
Kudos: 154
Collections: Bad Things Happen Bingo





	Lost In My Mind

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SneetchesToo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SneetchesToo/gifts).



> Written for the “panic attack” square on my bthb card (open for requests - see the board [here](https://officerrxyes.tumblr.com/) :) 
> 
> Requested by @sneetchestoo who said "Can I get a Tarlos fic for Panic Attacks (BTHB)?! Thanks! ❤️"
> 
> Title from "Lost in My Mind" by The Head and the Heart

Carlos was used to rough shifts. Terrible things happened all the time and he had picked the career path that came face-to-face with the worst the world had to offer every day. Most of the time he was able to let it roll right off his shoulders and compartmentalize it all. However today did not seem to be one of those days where he could do that. 

Nothing particularly bad happened. It was the usual calls he was used to. But something inside his brain deciding that today was just going to be a bad day and everything he saw weighed on him until the gloomy day came to an end. 

He had never been so grateful to see the end of his shift. Now that he was home, he could finally release all the emotions that had been building up all day.

Ignoring the fact that he knows he should take a shower, Carlos opts instead for heading straight to the bedroom. He takes off his uniform and collapses onto the bed wearing only his underwear. 

He must have fallen asleep because the next thing he knows the room is much darker than the last noticed and there’s a soft hand stroking his face.

“Hey, baby. Room for me under those covers?”

_ Shit _ . He forgot TK was coming over after his shift. With their hectic lives, on the rare occasion that their schedules do align it’s almost a given that they will be spending their free time together. Sometimes they make plans to go out but more often than not, they end up spending their night inside watching movies and cuddling. 

“Always,” he replies sleepily.

He shifts more towards the middle of the bed, allowing TK to slide into his native spot, his back pressed up against Carlos’ chest. It’s become second nature for Carlos to assume the role of “big spoon,” with his slightly larger frame and persistent urge to give all the love and attention he can muster.

Tonight, however, he wishes nothing more than to switch spots. All he wants is to curl up in TK’s arms and let all of his emotions flood out. But he keeps his mouth shut. 

“How was your shift?”

“Hectic, as normal. You should have seen the save Marjan had today though-”

Carlos tries his best to listen, he really does. But the more he tries to focus on TK’s voice, the more the memories of his own terrible day continue to plague his mind, caught in a web of spiraling thoughts that he can’t seem to break free of. Specific images of people he couldn’t save and thoughts of wondering if he will ever be good enough. 

“—and when she finished rappelling down the building, the look on the victims face was indescribable— ”

_ Wait, what’s TK talking about? _ He can’t remember how this story started. An immense feeling of guilt begins to settle in his stomach at the fact that he can’t even manage to pay attention to the answer to a question he asked. But that doesn’t stop the intrusive thoughts as they continue to make themselves comfortable in his mind. He feels the tears begin to well in his eyes. Thoughts of everything he has been trying so hard to forget only becoming clearer in his mind. No. TK. He’s listening to TK.

Except TK isn’t talking anymore. He’s fallen silent, with only the sound of their breaths filling the room.

Though the room is now quiet, his thoughts continue to make noise in his head. He tries to push them out and match his breathing to TK, syncing the rise and fall of his own chest with the man leaning against him. 

He feels TK shift his body slightly, turn his head so his beautiful green eyes lock with Carlos’. “Are you okay?”

He goes to answer but the words will not come. Instead, he finds himself gasping for breaths that don’t seem to be entering his lungs. He can feel the tears streaming down his face. He faintly registers that TK is calling his name, though it sounds as though he’s underwater. Logically he knows his body is still anchored in his bedroom, his mind is enveloped in a sea of blackness where he is trapped alone with a rush of thoughts that don't seem to have an end. 

“Carlos, baby, you need to breathe with me,” TK’s soothing voice breaks through and the other man slowly comes back into focus. 

They are now in a seated position, with TK’s one hand cupping his face while the other pulls Carlos’ hand and rests it on TK’s chest. “Match my breathing, okay?”

After a few beats of silence, Carlos feels like he is calm enough to speak up. “I’m sorry.”

“Sweetheart, why are you apologizing?” he asks softly, eyebrows crinkled in confusion. 

Carlos sighs. “I don’t know, I just- I don’t know.”

“Do you want to talk about what's going on in that head of yours?”

“I don’t know what triggered it,” he shakes his head. “I’ve just been feeling off all day.”

TK nods his head sympathetically. “Sometimes it’s just like that.”

Carlos hums in agreement, taking another few shaky breaths. 

“Oh, baby. Come here,” TK wraps his arms around the other man, pulling him close. 

Melting into TK’s strong embrace, Carlos allows his emotions to flow out. TK lets him cry, rubbing small circles on his back in support.

When Carlos pulls away, TK gives him a sympathetic smile and wipes his tears away with his thumb. “Do you want to lay back down and continue cuddling?”

Carlos nods and they shift back into their positions under the covers. When Carlos goes to pull TK close to him, TK shakes his head. “No, why don’t you face the other direction?”

He smirks and obliges, shifting his body so he is facing the other wall. Carlos then feels TK wrap his arms around the larger man's frame. He immediately feels a sense of comfort wash over him and he knows he’s going to be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> I love comments and kudos a lot
> 
> Please bother me on [tumblr](https://officerrxyes.tumblr.com/)


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